the zhaf speaks

Sunday, May 30, 2004:

all that glitters isn't gold

what is the value of a human life?

have this friend, X. X's dad passed away in a tragic incident. during a routine inspection on a tanker shipping oil overseas a pipe burst and impaled him. what sucks was the company didn't follow safety procedures et al. now of course X's family deserved compensation, after all 4 kids and a widow is tons of maintenance. but even more tragic was how the widow decided that a 250k settlement out of court would be it. 250k for a human life? bullshit. it should have been more massive, something like 10fold 250k, especially since the company was shitass negligent.

i hope we get to med sch, the both of us, where we want to. money's always a bitch ain't it? i don't think nus has a graduate med program though. you might have to do it overseas, X. we have the will my friend. God help us find our way.

after being held back for so long, i really wish i could speed things up a little more. med sch has got to be less than 5 yrs, far too long. financially i'd be a leech feeding off my dad's carotid money-arteries. and yes waiting 5 for my degree'd be a bitch. all i can do now is throughly internalise first and second year med sch curriculum and go somewhere that'll allow me to demonstrate my knowledge and accelerate. 4 yrs or less, not much to sk for right? the thought of being past 25 when i get the 'Dr.' preceding my name nauseates me immensely. young and (overly?) ambitious is all i am. but yes i'm 18 and i've plenty ahead of me. so God please stop sprinkling irony on me and let me work my plan.

time is so precious. thinking bout how those years went down the drain infuriates me. years with a dearth of glittering memories.

so i guess i'll cherish those that did glitter :)

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:43 am

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Wednesday, May 26, 2004:

...

truly, if there is one thing I will regret for some time to come, it is missing the rugby finals. the only one I missed just had to be the only one RJ won. congrats on the win dudes, you've really earned it.

well dad it's crystal clear now. how u f-ed my life up 2 years ago. but no point moping. move on, even if the last 2 yrs were kind of wasted.

_|_ -.- _|_

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 1:06 pm

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Sunday, May 09, 2004:

return of the jedi

guys, it's not nus med. i didn't get into nus med. i got in someplace else.

bball was fun, first time back at rj court in ages. i gotta do more of it.

ora was ok in general. it was nice talking to old friends, mr.ong my sec4 form tchr, having lunch with kenneth KOH FANG YONG and having tea with zheng yp not to mention the mrt ride home.

zouk was good as always. getting in free was even better. feeling zombified upon my arrival back home after zouk and ora and etc was shittified.

so we have freedom of expression. so what if on the outside we're becoming more liberated and unrestrained, letting everything go to the wind and doing whatever we want? there isn't a point to all the decadence and debauchery when you're so confused on the inside. sigh youths nowadays.

do i condescend? you decide. i'm not dogmatic, i don't impose my beliefs on anyone. it's starting to dawn on me what it means to be true to yourself. if you're not going to stand firmly by what you believe in you might as well be dead, it beats bootlicking anytime, hands down.

it's annoying how ns messes up my plans. God i'll be pissed if i have to put off medical sch till later if they don't allow me to disrupt mid-course.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:54 am

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Tuesday, May 04, 2004:

dedicated to a most valuable treasure

i have this good ol' buddy ol' pal. we go back a long way through the mists of time. for a short hiatus we went our separate ways, never to see each other for several years, till the clockwork of fate deigned it timely for us to reacquaint ourselves in a most quaint manner. to be honest he ticked me off immensely in the past, in fact shortly after we were reacquainted he continued to do so. well, dude, you still piss the shit out of me sometimes. but that's a relative rarity nowadays heh.

and by golly, we've been through fucking thick and thin together. we've treaded through shitstorms side-by-side, drawing comfort strength from each other. very often i think he being the stronger has done so much more for me than i will ever be able to do for him. i owe him, i owe him so damn much.

in fact the debt just increased ten fold. sigh putting yourself in the line of fire like that. good God i'm sorry for making you feel marginalised. you deserve much more ol' friend. anyway dude i know you'll read this. you know who you are, right? have to say it now, you are fucking irreplaceable. i would never, ever marginalise you, EVER. nobody can take your place. nobody will ever take away our shared memories and the ephemeral pains and pleasures life has thrown at us. i've made mistakes, but how i've wronged you makes my insides churn. if you condemn me then i am deserving.

anyway, dude who's as cool as the north pole and as deep as the oceans and the most loyal and sacrificial friend i've known, i'm truly, very sorry. and if it isn't too much to ask, please forgive me.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 5:30 am

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Monday, May 03, 2004:

JUMP AROUND!!!!

NS HERE I COME!!!!
med sch med sch i'm goin to med sch after ns...!!!
WOO HOOO!!!!

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:50 am

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Sunday, May 02, 2004:

roll it up, light it up, smoke it up, inhale... exhale...

enter a life of indulgent decadence and marginal inebriation, of groggy mornings and endless nights. whose? mine. really does feel like it right now so it's good my innate system of checks and balances stop me from pressing the nuke button. i asked for a little more free time and now i'm getting it by the tons. exams start wednesday so i guess there'll be a temporary hiatus for good measure, about time anyway since clubbing 3 nights in a row borders on excessive.

fri i met ppl all over the place. far east kids like anil who just wanna break free and do it their way. at lido walked right into yuepeng and eugene, it was hilarious how they were walking round orchard in their ac blazers after the singapore lecture. later slacked at macs with red, varun and shah. deciding to go chinablack was rather impromptu, i was wearing uniform but fortuitously enough had a shirt on me, varun simply had to bring some shitty jeans. nice outfit or not i just thought "beam me up scotty!"

well for starters i didn't have to pay cover at chinablack on fri night. the rnb was punctuated by long droughts filled with commercial techno trash, which made the rnb that much better when it actually started playing. me and dino just about went crazy when they played jump around. btw i find it rather offensive to see the yuppie bengs in their gaudy costumes go through para para motions. each and every gesticulation of theirs is definitely NOT a sight for sore eyes. ouch. well at least dino had a dream come true, chocolatey smooth true... nutella-like. hahaha.

vj funfair was just a ton of hot air. to be honest it was boring, though i wouldn't mind playing some of the games if they cost less. it was nice to see ex-classmates from rosyth and ri though. well but laksa chicken at far east later more than made up for the insipid hangover i got from the funfair.

me and howard wanted to catch a movie but owing to bad timing and low battery handphones had to contend with many hurdles before we finally were reunited (at long last). bo pian lor we just walked around, sat around, pondering the many nebulous mysteries of life. sent howard to newton mrt and realised my floral shirt was too obiang to wear to centro. on the spot we exchanged shirts. not bad ah howard, your nautica polo-t... hahahaha

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free again at centro sat night! gotta hand it to 77th street, their members card is absofuckinglutely great for saving money. me and dino give the door bitch a flash (of the card) and get waved in. that night, was fucking superb. dj loaded the deck with ethereal beats, we came around the time when euphoric trance started permeating the airwaves. this was a night where dino and i truly lost ourselves in the music, eyes closed, feeling the life coursing through our veins and just raving on and on and on. now a sight for sore eyes would be the abang-abang ravers who straddled the podiums on the dancefloor. their liquid rave simply blew me away. smooth, sensual, strong and damn bloody funky.

ha then tonight a short jaunt at hendrix with red, ron, dino, farooq and co. with noone else around we just let loose on the dance floor, going real crazy. red with his raver groove and ron with his err... i dunno what to fucking call it. it was sad to discover tonight that malaysian cigs contain on average slightly more than twice the amount of nicotine that s'pore cigs contain. pisses me off having to settle for neutered cigs.

damn i have lots of work to do from now till 11 may. not a problem though, these three nights have sated my party monkey. my good ol' friends redbull, davidoff and ysl will take care of the rest... fagulous.

"oh i get by, with a little help from my friends
oh i gotta try, a little help from my friends"
- the beatles

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 12:47 pm

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